Judging the Joy

For the last couple weeks, I’ve been collecting and observing my moments of joy. I wanted to lay them all out for you, like beautiful shells and pieces glass collected at the beach. I wanted you to be able to feel my moments and connect them to your own, I wanted us to build a tapestry of joy that we could wonder at together.

Except that when I started to lay them all out, suddenly, I was overcome with insecurity about the value of my moments through your eyes. I felt like a small child who spent all morning trying to fold a paper crane and was bursting with pride and terror, hoping you’d see through the crumpled paper to the gift that was hidden within.

I second guessed my moments, tried to scrutinize them the way that you might. Asking what was joyful about discovering that the crab apple tree still clung to one tiny shriveled apple from last fall? How could picking library books off the shelf still be a cause for joy when I’d done it a thousand times before?

Looking at my list, it was somehow too mundane and too precious to share. 

Then, I had an epiphany. 

I realized that my moments of joy weren't about the moments at all. They were little shimmering mirrors that managed to reflect back the joy that always lives inside of me.

They were moments when I was able to get out of my own way. I wasn’t analyzing, worrying or measuring what was happening, I was just being and the world was saying, ‘welcome’,

My moments of joy are the cracks in the whirling dervish of my mind. Cracks where the light gets through and quite suddenly, there is peace. 

These moments don’t have to be extraordinary or breathtaking (although sometimes they are), they just have to be noticed and cherished. The pausing, the noticing, the cherishing is what makes those moments special.

Let yourself stop and look and wonder my friend, the joy is there waiting.