We are here. We are real.

I haven’t blogged in awhile, but as pride month comes to a close, I thought I should post just to say that I’m here. I am real.

It’s strange when your concept of self is disputed by people who don’t know you. And, even stranger when it’s disputed by people who do. Why do so many people feel the need to pass judgement over my sense of self?

Who knows better than me how it feels to live in my body?

I am non-binary. I know I have felt non-binary since kindergarten (before that, it’d simply never occurred to me that there might be this strict idea of binary that I could fall outside of). From 5 years old, until around 40, I was told over and over again that who I am doesn’t exist. That I am wrong.

When I discovered that there were other non-binary people in the world, it was like an explosion of belonging. I’d really thought for most of my life that there was something wrong with me and that I was alone.

Now I know, we are here. We are real.

Society as a whole tells me that because of my external biology (no one ever checks internal organs, chromosomes or hormones before making the pronouncement) that I am a woman.

Patriarchy then dictates what that should mean.

I don’t dispute that I was born biologically female, but I don’t understand why that means that I need to fall under the gender construct of woman.

Female is biology (although the layers that make up gender are quite a bit more complicated than just a couple of chromosomes). Woman and all the ideas that go with it, are made up by society. Gender is a social construct. It’s a set of ideas invented (and reinvented) by society and then reinforced (largely through shame) throughout life.

The ideas about gender norms throughout history and around the world are as fluid as I am. 

High heeled shoes, which are firmly seen as only for women in today’s society, were originally a symbol of masculinity and status.

Make up, invented by the Egyptians, was used equally for both genders.

In the 18th century, the colour pink was a symbol of luxury and masculinity.

These are very trivial outward examples, but most of what we use to dictate the idea of gender is trivial. Social norms are about control, not about biology or medical research. (If you want a little more information, this is an interesting article https://thereader.mitpress.mit.edu/gender-has-a-history-and-its-more-recent-than-you-may-realize/)

If you’re threatened (feel the need to discount or judge) by the idea of more than two genders, maybe stop and ask yourself why?

What is it about people feeling themselves to be outside of a socially constructed norm that impacts you? Why do you care about how someone else feels in their body?

Of course, those who fully embrace the patriarchy that we live in, should have a problem with those of us who fall outside the social norms. Binary gender is fundamentally important to patriarchal ideals. If men are going to be dominant, and women subjugated, then it’s important that we have a clearly defined idea of who is fulfilling each role.

But, for those not singing the praises of the patriarchy, I don’t understand why the unending support for a socially constructed norm that is costing us lives. 

Make no mistake, it IS costing lives. Gender non-conforming kids are over 4 times more likely to kill themselves. 

Now, I know at least partially, in writing here, that I’m preaching to the choir. But, if you're in the choir, now is the time to sing out. We need support, we need allies, we need safe spaces, we need bathrooms in public places. 

We need you to know that we are here. We are real.